By Kaixin Zhou
Destiny
(Xin Qi Chen)
My life was doomed at the moment I was born during the one child policy, which was enforced at the time. In order to encourage families to have only one child, the Chinese government pressured people to accept their plan by dismantling their houses, apprehending and detaining violators, sterilizing the women after birth, offering free abortions, and imposing a huge fine. Even though we should have the right to give birth, and should have the ability to choose our family size in China, these have been dictated by the government since 1979 when the policy began.
I was the second child in my family; unfortunately, this had a huge impact on my family. Due to my birth, my parents lost their jobs for over ten years. Even though my parents faced serious financial difficulties, they still fought for a better life for my brother and me. During those ten years, I lived in a very poor family. In order to survive, I endured the hardship of being a second child in the family. Such difficult events became a part of my life.
For the purpose of having a second child, many families experienced being typical “pregnant guerrillas” like my mother. After my brother was born, my mother had her second pregnancy in 1989. During the period of my mother’s ten month pregnancy, nobody could imagine the pain she was suffering. She was hidden in the house all day long to avoid the notice of the government. My mother was anxious about my grandmother because of her sickness and old age and decided to go visit her. On the way to my grandmother’s house, she ran into trouble. When the government discovered my mother's second pregnancy, they did many illegal things to stop her. All the government workers waited outside my grandmother’s house. In order to avoid catching their attention, my parents escaped under the cover of the night.
I was born into a poor family. My father worked in a grocery store and my mother worked in a clothing factory. They should not have had economic problems since they worked for state-owned companies. However, everything changed after I was born. My mother got caught by the government, which performed tubal ligation on her so that she could not have any more children. Because of my birth, my parents were not only fined thousands of RMB (Chinese currency, roughly $2,500 U.S. dollars) but also caused my family to have other financial problems. Due to our violation of the one child policy, my parents were both fired from their companies.
Financial instability often caused a negative relationship between my family and me. In my early age, my only memories were of my parents quarreling with each other over trivial things caused by financial problems. Most days they worked for a whole day, and then they argued with each other about losing their jobs, leaving me by myself. My parents disregarded my feelings and thoughts. They were often preoccupied with the stress of providing for me and my brother. Physical punishments were common in Chinese culture, but they mostly only happened in uneducated and poor families. Because my family suffered a lot of economic and mental pressures, it was normal to assume their dissatisfaction with our existing conditions were because of me. Sometimes, my father faced frustration at his work; once he got back home he started drinking. If I showed up in front of him, he would be angry and ask me to leave or I would receive unreasonable physical abuse from my father. I hid in the corner and started to think about why I couldn’t receive love from my parents like other children, who all received a lot of love from their parents. But unfortunately, I was not one of them. I could never find a comfortable way to express myself to my parents. Sometimes, I would even think that I was not their real child. Why couldn’t they treat me better like the others? I started to blame this on the one child policy. Because of it, my parents needed to go through this hardship. If I lived in a different place which didn’t have this policy, my childhood life would be totally different. However, these thoughts were gone when I grew up. I realized they actually cared about me, but the lack of attention from my parents ultimately led me to become more independent.
Due to our poverty, I lost the opportunity of learning in school, since my parents were having financial problems with the tuition fee. They could not afford to have two children going to school at the same time. Therefore, my parents encouraged my brother and insisted that he continue his education. Because I was female, and I was the second child of the family, they decided that my education was not important at all. From the ages of ten to eleven, I was unable to continue my education. Instead, I was forced to look for a job. During that period, I searched for employment in the neighboring towns. Unable to find anything, I was forced to work for my parents. Because my parents were both in violation of the one child policy, they were no longer allowed to work for the government. Therefore, they became peddlers and sold their merchandise on the street. My parents carried a lot of jobs in one day. First, they woke up at 4:30am every morning. In order to buy goods at the lowest possible price, they usually went to a large-scale wholesale market by bike. After my parents set up everything, they went to the school gates to sell rice noodle rolls. Later, after prime time in the morning, they went back home to prepare other types of wares. In the hot summer, my parents had to peddle under the sunshine. Looking at every single white hair on my parents’ head, every single wrinkle on their faces and their calloused hands, there was an indescribable sense of pain in my heart. Even though my parents traveled from place to place selling their wares, the small earnings that they had were barely enough to keep us for a short period of time, so my mother decided to work until midnight as a dishwasher. A year later, I had a chance to go back to school. They used all the money that they had earned to pay for my tuition fees.
Undoubtedly, most people have their own unforgettable and happy childhood. Parents usually buy toys and play with their children. Unlike most children, I had no childhood in my life. I couldn’t get any toys from my parents. Moreover, children begin learning basic morals during kindergarten, but I couldn’t go to kindergarten like other children since my family couldn’t afford the tuition fees. Each time when my father and I passed by the door of the kindergarten, I stood outside looking over without moving. Even though I was filled with the desire to go kindergarten, I could not tell either of my parents, since I didn’t want to increase my parents’ burdens. I quickly became mature at a very young age. Once children attend school, it is easy to make friends with other children, but I didn’t have many chances to make friends due to my family background. I was not treated fairly while I was studying in middle school. I couldn’t communicate with the other classmates, and I was even detached from the class since I was discriminated because of the one child policy. They knew I was the second child in the family and I was born illegally. During lunch time, every classmate had their own partner to sit with except me. Under these conditions, my life was repressed and solitary without a happy childhood.
Through the struggle of my family and me, we had a chance to move to the United States. My parents have always told me that America is the land of opportunity, and they have high expectations for me. I would be the first one in my family who has the opportunity to study at a university. Starting a new life in an unfamiliar country is not easy.
Realizing this is a golden opportunity for me to pursue my goal under the excellent educational system in America, I have quickly adapted to the new environment. Most importantly, I am concentrated on my academic achievement. Due to my English level, I began my academic journey as an ESL student. As an ESL student, I know it is a challenge to learn English. In order to overcome this difficulty, I study very hard. Also, I take good advantage of my professors’ office hours, and I always discuss questions with them after classes. I also find tutoring helps me a lot. Additionally, I form study groups so that I can help other my classmates. It is a tough journey for an ESL student to pursue one’s academic goal. However, I never give up, and I know that hard work with persistence is the only key to open the door to success. I study English every day, not only through my English classes, but also through other classes, as well as conversing with other English speaking people. Considering the importance of my Grade Point Average (GPA), I put a lot of efforts into all of my classes, trying my best to achieve an “A” grade in every class. With these few years’ effort on my academic work, I gradually got used to the study pattern and used my energy to study more efficiently. Thus, I believe as long as can devote myself to my dream, I will have a bright future.
After I came to the United States, I felt more comfortable than in China, since in China people would discriminate against me due to my family background. Moreover, the one child policy still exists in China. But people in the U.S don’t ask about my family background often and even if they do, it is common for people to have many siblings. However, living in the United States has become my new difficulty since I have language issues. Difficulties and challenges exist everywhere. In order to overcome such difficulties, I look back on my family history, and it encourages me to face them bravely. This has become the right attitude in my life.