By Merlinda Yu
I left my life in China and struggled my way with my
husband to raise our family of four in the United States, my name is Irene Liao
and this is my story.
I grew up in a city called Guangzhou, China. I’m the
youngest of five children. The age group varied as my oldest sister is five years
apart from me; the oldest brother is three years older than me; he is followed by my second
sister who is only two years older; then came my second brother who is just one year apart
from me. My parents had a grand total of five children during tough times, and
contraceptives then weren’t really encouraged, which made it harder to control
how many children were to be expected. Life was definitely rough as a child. I
remember how I used to wait in line for fermented bean curd. Those were
the golden days that I still recall how valuable everything seemed to me,
compared to the very fortunate children of today. Growing up getting the proper
nutrients was difficult given the income both my parents were making. My mother
had tried her best to provide nutritious meals for us. We used to have a food
system similar to food stamps in the United States, limiting each family on the
amount of meat, vegetables and other goods available. Since I had older siblings, my older sister
and brother would take on jobs to help out our family. I helped out by doing
the necessary chores to help reduce the stress of my mother. Our house was
too small to fit all seven of us. It was a really tight spot; we had to build
another level for my parents so they would have room to sleep. My older brother
along with his wife and son would take up one of the smaller rooms. During the
times when my sisters got married they moved out to live with their spouse’s
family, leaving a bit more room for the rest of us at home.
I grew up having to do a lot of things on my own. During
school hours I would walk myself to and from school; sometimes if I was lucky
enough I would get to share the bike that we had at home. I recall some rare
moments when my father would come and pick me up, and on our walk home he would
sometimes sneak me a little snack off the street carts. School had been
difficult for me. Sometimes it was very hard to stay focused during Mandarin
lectures; our school system was really strict. Once you reach junior high to
high school, there were options of boarding with the school. Since my family’s
economic status was low, I never had the option to do over night stays with any
of my schools. I was glad I never needed to experience farming; those who were
a few years older than me during high school had a mandatory assignment. They
were told to go live in the villages for a week to help out farmers and get
first hand experience on how it felt to be a farmer. I would always point out
to my siblings how I was fortunate to not need to have such a requirement. Aside
from the heavy workload, for entertainment purposes I would create games with
sticks and stones. That would keep me and the neighborhood kids occupied for
hours. I always wished to have more toys but because we were always on a tight budget,
toys weren’t exactly on the list of things to purchase. After high school ended
for me I had to find jobs because college was expensive and I was unable to
afford those bills. My first job was working in a factory knitting sweaters.
Jobs were also difficult to find; if it wasn’t for a recommendation I don’t
think I would’ve gotten the chance at this job. It was all hard labor but I
couldn’t complain because a job was a job. The wage was barely anything but
during that time I needed to raise as much as I could. I would always give at
least half the money earned to help out my parents; my siblings did the same.
Socially I was always around my second brother and his
friends; through that group I had met my future husband. I had a few friends
who had planned to leave China to pursue a new life in the United States. I on
the other hand wanted to do some traveling before settling down. But then I met my husband through my brother, although it began with friendship. I think he had planned to migrate to the United States because his
oldest sister had the opportunity to through marriage. Although it was
difficult to develop a relationship, we some how made it work through constant
letters. Keep in mind during my generation approval from my parents was necessary. Distance was difficult on my end; we had always been friends and he was
consistently coming over during the times him and my brother would hang out. Just as
we were starting to bond he had to leave to the United States. The only way to
continue the growth in our relationship was through written letters. During
this time my mother continued to urge me to think about a possible marriage
with him. The difficult question was if I was willing to leave my family
behind and start my new life over there. I know I was very independent already
but taking the step to leave Guangzhou, China was a whole different story. It is
a foreign country to me, after all, but after many discussions I guess my parents
trusted him well enough to hand the rest of my life over to him. It was also a
way to start a new journey for me. He left for California for roughly two to
three years before he came back to China. During those years he was hoping to
save enough money to bring back and plan a banquet. Since our backgrounds were
similar, like having a large family, having a similar economic status, and the fact that
he built a friendship with my second brother for a couple of years made it a
bit better for my family to trust my life with him. It was 1985 when he saved
enough to come back and marry me. We were able to hold a banquet along with all
of our relatives and friends. Shortly after the wedding, roughly six months into
the marriage, my paper work was processed and from there I had to leave my
immediate family behind to start a new journey in America. I must admit those
times were tough as I had no family to rely on except for my husband's family.
Immigration then didn’t seem as strict compared to now.
It was probably because I came through marriage, which made it an easier process.
As a new immigrant I didn’t know what to expect but struggle was definitely
there. When I first arrived in California my husband and I had shared a complex
with my sister-in-law. To help with rent I went out and got a side job. That
job was basically using my skills on the sewing machine, putting together
collars for sweaters. I actually enrolled myself in some grammar and
English courses, hoping that I would try to educate myself more as I wanted to
go to college. My plan of furthering my education was put on hold once I found
out I was pregnant. This was no longer than two years since my arrival, which
made it much harder. You don’t know how difficult it was, being a fresh
immigrant trying to explore the opportunities here, and before you know it, I was
pregnant with my first child. During the early stages of my pregnancy my
emotions were stuck on abortion. His family, however, thought it was god’s gift
to me, for me to be able to bare a child. The pressure was on when I had no one
from my family to turn to, there seemed to be no outlet besides keeping the
baby. My first child was a girl born in 1987. Some stress was relieved once she
was born but the questions of actually being able to provide for her had been
the question. I was not able to fully adjust to California and here I was trying
to tackle the obstacles a new mother is given. As if a new born wasn’t a hard
enough task, the doctor told me that my daughter had eczema. I certainly had no skin issue so it had to have come from my husband’s
family. I remember the troubled times when my daughter would cry because her
skin irritated her. As a child there was no way they could tell you where it
hurts so the constant crying would at times drive me crazy. Aside from her health
issues, I could not stand being at home and not going out to make money. Once I
got a hang of taking care of my daughter, my next step was to find part-time
jobs. I remember having to take her to school. Then during the extra time I had
I would find local cashier jobs in Chinatown. The only transportation I could
rely on was the bus. From where I first lived to Chinatown wasn’t too far. I
felt like as long as I could make use of my time while my daughter is in
daycare that would be good enough. On the side I would take trips to the local
library to find news from back home.
The first year since my daughter was born my husband and
I were able to save enough money for a trip back home. You don’t
know how much I missed my family. Being in the California with no family from
my side and raising a child was so difficult without their support. The first
chance we got, I told my husband we had to bring our daughter back for a visit.
She was roughly a year and a half; everyone in my family was so excited for our
arrival. It does take a lot to be able to make trips back to Guangzhou, China.
Since both of our education was only at the High School diploma level we had to
work extra hard to earn our money. The trip we made back to Guangzhou was to
prove to my parents that I was in safe arms. I didn’t want them to worry about
our financial state so I would only tell them not to worry about me and my
family. We were able to take our daughter back to the villages of where my
husbands’ family grew up. In a way I’m glad that while living in America I was able
to keep in touch with my roots and never lost my way. I had always wanted my
child to grow up knowing the culture, food, and beliefs. This trip back home
was much needed but who would’ve known it would be another couple of years
before I could come back and pay them a visit. Roughly two years later I had my
son. After his arrival the dreams of wanting to come back to China more often
were impossible; one child was enough on the expenses but adding on another
one made it impossible. To add to this difficulty my son also had eczema. These were just minor road
bumps. My English level wasn’t the best because I didn’t really have the time
for any improvement or further schooling. My husband on the other hand had to
improve due to the jobs he had.
We had some difficult times, especially
during my children's teenage years. In order to make more income for the family
my husband had to take on several part time jobs. There was even a time I
remember that he was held at gunpoint during his delivery job; I was scared
for my life when he came home and told me what happened. Since then I told him
he didn’t need to risk his life like that. He had dreams of wanting to go into
the automotive industry but because of the price of tuition and the time dedicated
to family, having job and seeking education was too much for him to handle. He had to give
it up, but now as our children are older my son was able to pick up the same
interest and is now working at a really great dealership as an auto mechanic. Honestly
for us to be able to manage a family of four, and still have vacations sparingly, I must
say we accomplished a lot together. The things I had to give up by starting
fresh here in the United States is the time I could have spent with my family
back at home. I think this is for the better of my children’s future. The
struggles I had to endure with my husband’s side of the family put a toll on
our marriage at one point. Everyone felt so self-centered and not willing to
help our family when we needed help most with mortgage, down payments;
issues revolving around money. These were things I would never forget but moved
on from. I had taught my children well and told them how family would always be
there for them, just like how my family was there for mental support.
Now I have a
stable job of ten years with a bio company, with good benefits. My children are
older; twenty-four years has gone by quick. To see how much my family has changed
through the years made me appreciate life more. It didn’t seem that much of a
struggle in telling my story but the mental and emotional struggle was what hit
me most. That’s what makes my family trips back to Guangzhou that much more
valuable. It was not an easy task to bring an entire family of four back to my
hometown but I must admit I am proud of our accomplishments. We were able to let our kids experience their heritage at least six times
for my daughter and five trips for my son. This is my life story and I hope you
all enjoyed it.
